I’m home, back around the boys and in a decent bed getting a good nights sleep. I have rewatched a ridiculous number of series of Greys Anatomy and have spent a hideous amount of time on the Internet. Currently spending a lot of time in bed but on the mend!
One from earlier this week….
Hospital sucks…big time. I miss my boys more than I can say and you spend the entire time trying to rest but being interrupted for one thing or another. I know it’s the best place to get better but…. Everyone asks you how you are feeling when you just want to curl up in a ball. You have no idea what’s going on in the outside world and the majority of people you see are those caring for you (all of whom I could not praise more). It’s alien and strange but it will help me get better. I am by no means the worse off, I am super lucky I’m here just to treat an infection, but it’s a weirdly emotional place. I think anywhere where you spend vast amounts of time alone is strange.
Illness is a funny thing. I spent the whole of November trying to push through a cold/flu virus and unfortunately my immune system being so low has now graced me with the joy of pneumonia. Coughing up crap and not being able to breathe properly, feeling like going to the toilet is a mountaineering expedition across the room, feeling breathless when talking. I am relatively young, not normally ill, healthy and a busy mum of two. I have spent the last week in tears, in pain and feeling incredible guilt at the amount of time my family have now had to give to us and about being completely useless to my boys. But my body clearly is trying to tell me something. And I better start listening….
All mothers think they can do it, do it all, possibly be super humans – children, work, husbands (boyfriends, girlfriends etc), birthdays, Christmas, parties, friends, cleaning, shopping….and when you can’t do everything you feel…well…rubbish really. I like to cope, I thrive on coping, being efficient and being useful. I currently feel about as useful as a chocolate fireguard. Crappy lungs and three days in the same bed in the same room does that to a person.
Anyway this isn’t a post to make anyone feel sorry for me, or a post to depress myself further about the miserable nature of the current situation. I will get better and I will go home, I know there are some people here who won’t. I will get my energy back and I have some pretty good reasons at home to make a full but sensible recovery. I will be back doing all that mumming and coping. And it will all be a distant memory. But oh my goodness right this second things feel a little bit shit.
So just remember people, get an early season flu jab, take your vitamins, look after yourself and the first sign of trouble call the doctor! Having not seen my children for days apart from on FaceTime and videos I can tell you this is my plan of attack going forward Xx